Less myself

Recently I underwent a crisis in which I did not feel like myself for an extended period of time, whatever that means. Today I was scrunched up in the Architecture Building during my break reading Thomas Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation (which I wholeheartedly reccommend), when I came across this particular excerpt, which I found applicable:

"In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always thought I wanted to be, and in order to find myself I must go out of myself, and in order to live I have to die. The reason for this is that I am born in selfisness and therefore my natural efforts to make myself more real and more myself, make me less real and less myself, because they revolve around a lie." (p.47)

Also, if I had the time and the rights, I would type into this text box the entirety of one of Merton's chapters. Perhaps another time when i do not plan to venture into the stacks and do not have work awaiting, I will address these other words of his that I shall withhold from you for now. Or you could check the book out of your nearest library.

Lastly, I found this funny:

"If you write only for yourself you can read what you wrote and after ten minutes you will be so disgusted you will wish that you were dead." (p.111)

I laughed audibly when I read this, because it is all too true, again and again.

And really, just Hallelujah.