David Crowder Band

Note the keytar, please.

"This is the dance that we fear."

Last night while sleeping I suddenly woke up with very annoying neck pain, due to the three pillows I was using. You might be wondering why I was using three pillows if this would obviously cause my neck strain. I've had a fierce cold (I hesitate calling it that, because I have mere colds before, this was something much stronger originating in the throat and working it's way up my head) so I've been sleeping on the futon as to be within quick reach of tissues, medicine, water, cough drops, etc. Sleeping in my loft would have been greatly unfavorable because I would have been going up and down all night. So, I'm on my futon with all these pillows behind my head propping my head up so I don't suffocate or something equally unfortunate when I wake up and my throat doesn't hurt. My nose, well... it's not wholly better but there has been great improvement in the last 8 hours. I was able to reduce the quantity of pillows to the normal one, and resume sleeping in peace. I was also able to sleep a little longer because I don't have morning class on Friday. This has been a great start to my day.

Last night I finished flashBANG by Mark Steele. You may be thinking that it's been awhile since I started. Somehow I ended up reading four books at once, three of the same genre (I try to avoid that). So yes, it has been awhile, but with reason. It was greatly humorous, which makes sense because of Steele's profession- a comedian. I do think, however, that there were too many exaggerated and in-depth descriptions of all his maladies and flesh wounds. I finished the book and thought he had gone a little overboard at times. True, learning and a great closeness with God can come out of pain if you make yourself available, which was what Steele was illustrating.. it was just a little repetitive. Overall, it was a good read and a nice combination of silliness and seriousness.

"Yet so many--even those who love to dance--fear the dance of the spontaneous moment, the dance of life. The willingness to aggressively and with great abandon follow as life and God lead. To be the improvisational partner, leaning entirely on the other as the dance progresses. It is the risky choice. The dance that is so frightening and so satisfying and may turn the corner to disaster at any given moment because, despite the fact that we are flexible and passionate, we do not know what step will come next. This is the dance that we fear." (Steele, 160)

The view from my room looked pretty the other day:

"A Special Hatred"

"Back off, or, Leave her alone, or, You don't really want to go there--she'll be too much for you is something Satan has set against every woman from the day of her birth. It's the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the side of the road to die [reference to old ways in China]. And to every woman he has whispered, You are alone, or, When they see who you really are, you will be alone, or, No one will ever truly come for you.

Take a moment. Quiet your heart and ask yourself, 'Is this a message I have believed, feared, lived with?' Not only do most women fear they will ultimately be abandoned by the men in their lives--they fear it from other women as well. That they will be abandoned by their friends, and left alone. It's time to reveal this pervasive threat, this crippling fear, this terrible lie."
(Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, 88)

"Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty. He destroys it in the natural world wherever he can. Strip mines, oil spills, fires, Chernobyl. He wreaks destruction on the glory of God in the earth like a psychopath committed to destroying great works of art.

But most especially, he hates Eve.

Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. She is the incarnation of the Beauty of God. More than anything else in all creation, she embodies the glory of God. She allures the world to God. He hates it with a jealousy we can only imagine."
(84)

"And most of you are living with the guilt that somehow it's your fault you aren't more deeply pursued now. That you do not have an essential role in a great adventure. That you have no beauty to unveil. The message of our wounds nearly always is, 'This is because of you. This is what you deserve.' It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things happened. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world.

You are hated because of your beauty and power."
(85)

"And so, dear heart, it is time for your restoration. For there is One greater than our Enemy. One who has sought you out form the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul. Let us turn now to Him."
(91)

Dreamer, you might be the soundest sleeper...

Car drives with Kim are never disappointing.
I really love Sonya's company, and her dorm is so cute, she's a real college girl. I feel like I'm not really in college, so naturally it was all intriguing.
Everything David Crowder does is like a symphony, he's such an artist, and who can watch him perform without thinking of his talent as an author?
The car ride home- I haven't felt that content in quite a long time. Peaceful. Nobody who I was with I see particularly frequently and I really loved it [In the car: Carl, Kelly, Stevie, Billy, Alex]. I've been feeling antsy in the presence of people in general lately, and the drive accompanied by the soundtrack was so perfect. Sure my throat was gone for, I was tired, and I didn't even have a specific conversation that made it the way it was, but it was good. It was good.
Thanks Carl for the ride home, I appreciate your cheerful willingness on such late notice, that can be tiring I know.

So maybe I'm feeling better about company. Any company held, whenever.

Oh, admiration. And falling asleep.

Don't worry, I talked to my mom about how I am unable to hear clearly with my left ear, and she said all I need is Sudafed. Hopefully that will cure all such ailments so I'm capable of hearing one David Crowder this evening in Cedarville.

I did it again, I typed an entry and deleted it.

Well, all that matters is by March 16 I'll be roaming the Strand and reading my purchases in Washinton Square Park. Probably in the rain, so hopefully I can find a Conway (are those still around?) and manage a cheap rain trench, or something of the like.

Off to find Sudafed...

They're all spies, you know

Amongst the laundry, cooking, and movie watching done today, my mom told me that there were 26 inches of snow in Central Park. It's true, almost 27 in fact. Look at how beautiful, how fitting, how complimentary the snowflakes are to the Brooklyn Bridge:


Photo by Ozier Muhammed (nytimes.com)
"A couple walked across the Brooklyn Bridge toward Manhattan as the snow fell."

I am in Your hands.

Whoever

Haha wow so many times I go into Clements Rec Center I forget my Cardinal Card, and the girl lets me in anyway 'cause she recognizes me and knows my tendency to forget my card.

What I'm trying to say is, I really appreciate her. To drive back to the apt. and look for my card would be entirely unreasonable, I mean, Otterbein is a very small school, and how many people are going to try to use their Rec Center who don't actually go there? She's just really sweet and I tell her I'll try to remember next time. I'm a jerk in that way because clearly I don't always follow through with that.

Just try and be that girl to someone today. In other words, make someones life easier.

Also, I need to mention this because I can. How annoying/funny is it when you have a limb that is asleep and you need to walk. You can't wait it out, you have no choice but to get up and pretend like nothing's wrong. It's annoying in that you can barely stand up, and funny in that you feel like you're leg is rubber.

We could be found

I thinks unreasonable to have midterms twice. I've got them again next week, and I just think, why?



Also, I think the word "kind" should be given more credit. I remember writing in elementary school that word to describe someone, and teachers telling me it's too vague a description. Actually, I'm nearly positive it happened up until last year, and if I were to use it now, it would most likely occur again. The word has practically been erased from anything supposedly bearing any sort of professionalism.

This is how Merriam-Webster.com defines the word, "2 a : of a sympathetic or helpful nature b : of a forbearing nature : GENTLE c : arising from or characterized by sympathy or forbearance [a kind act]"

How rare is kindness? True kindness, not the facade most put on when attempting politeness. I think that to be truly kind, and possess kindness as a constant characteristic, must be very difficult. Even an act of kindness--one possessing the trait for that specific and possibly brief moment, could have been otherwise.

4But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared,
5He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit
Titus 3:4-5 (NASB)

Any characteristic displayed by an all-powerful and amazing God is not vague, plain, or boring, not in the least.

"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow..."

Haitians vote in Port-Au-Prince today! Aristide is in South Africa, so we'll see what happens. Let us pray for the UN peacekeepers, and the election workers, and the Haitians themselves.

So last night I learned about a disease, FOP (Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva), from which new, extra, and unnecessary bones grow inside muscle and other tissues. It is genetic, and about 1 in every two million people have it. It progresses over time (hence the Progressiva) and the oldest living person with it is 55, named Robert (if I remember correctly), living in Scotland. He is permanently in the upright position. When a person with FOP is injured (even scrapes and bumps) this causes a flare up and this is when extra bone grows. Little Luciana, a little girl in England, is living with the disease and probably more strong and brave than most. She can't do many things, but she laughs and loves. Oh, Luciana, I wonder if she'll ever know how inspiring she is, and if she did, would that be of any comfort to her at all?

Captivating should probably be read by you.

"I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it--something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women."

But then comes the assurance that,

"The King is enthralled by your beauty."
Psalm 45:11

And that's all that really matters, despite initially how hard that is to grasp.

I've got dishes to do.

"I am not enough, and, I am too much."

"You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free."
Tom Petty

"Living Quarters? Try Eighths."

Photo by Chang W. Lee, New York Times

"Drew, 19, right, who didn't want his last name published, came to look at the $35 a month mattress for rent. Nick Freeman, a Pratt student, on the mattress, acted as a kind of broker for the mattress." [nytimes.com]

"Into the circus that is the housing market in New York came an online ad: $35 for a mattress stuffed into a hole in the wall. It got a dozen potential takers." [nytimes.com]


Haha, I love this and its illustration of how desperate living space in the city is, not to mention how amazing it would be to rent a mattress coming out of the wall, and how I would absolutely do it.

"Somewhere in my life, there has to be an explosion that could truly leave a crater."

I'm incredibly energetic at the moment. This combination of being bored and hyper since I got out of psych at 330 (not long ago) has already cause me to implement a pretty important rule within this apartment. That's right, a rule. The rule states that in order to get to any point B from starting point A one must jog. This rule only stands provided that the lady that lives below me is not home, indicated by the presence of her white van in the parking lot. I'm not about disturbing the peace.

I'm really excited about the near-finished product that is the Student House. Today Holly and Karie started the faux-finish on the stucco "bricks." I worked on things with Karen. She's a lot like my mom, I think, not just the name. They would probably be best friends forever if they knew eachother.

I really enjoyed last night at Jed's. God spoke and moved and we listened and praised. What a glorious combination. A mystifyingly beautiful and powerful evening.

I feel like log rolling down hills.

Funny, in psych we are studying the memory, and before class today I read this (in Mark Steele's flashBang):

"The stark reality is that Jesus holds the power to change this world, but this world is seeing less and less of Him through the people who bear His name. We have developed the worst kind of memory loss. We do not remember what needs to be remembered, and we try to ignore what should never be forgotten. As a result, when we finally do make a noise, it leaves nothing real in its wake. It is obvious to all who hear that the explosion was a fraud.

If, indeed, the world and this nation have become places that we condemn and criticize more than affect, something is drastically wrong with the example we are living."

Also,

"In Ezekiel 36:21, God says: 'Then I was concerned for my hold name, which had been dishonored by my people throughout the world' (NLT).
I must hold immense influence on this planet that the turns and tides of God's impression upon mankind are held in the balance by my words, deeds, and actions. And here, I struggle with thinking I am of no value. God makes it clear in this concern that He is not referring to evil or unbelievers smearing Him. He is talking about us. That those who say, 'I follow Jesus; follow me to Him,' while not being responsible to actually live the truth consistently are in essence leading mankind somewhere else that God did not intend. This concerns Him. And it should very much concern us. We must realize that our everyday decisions matter. We must make an effort to remember."

Steele continues to say that "choosing style over substance," "communicating truth by false means," "impersonalizing our faith," "living by rules we do not take the time to understand," and "looking for the perfect thing to say instead of the right way to live" are examples of those things dividing us from our realization of the impact our decisions and manner of being make in the way of God.


Washtington Square Park
Even if I tried, I couldn't explain to you the amount that I miss the city. I wonder if my parents would let me drive back there during spring break. But hmm... my grandparents are living in FL this time of year. I frequently regret not applying to NYU. But then, how could I leave certain things here? Oh, Washinton Sq Pk, Oh, Central Pk, Oh, Little Italy, Oh, Chinatown, Oh, the Village, Oh, Rockefeller.

I'm going to get photos printed. So, The End.